Today, I want to talk about depression. Last month one of the questions that I brought up to my small group at church was "Why was David so emotional? In one chapter he's praising God, and the next he's depressed." It happens over and over. I know he didn't write all of the Psalms and that it's not necessarily in order. But read the book, you get that it happened repeatedly. One of the reasons I brought it up was because I'm actually the same way. And I can't stand it!!! Not only can I not stand it, but...
I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT! I've got everything I need. A God who loves me no matter how many stupid things I say or do. And a family who loves me no matter how hangry or depressed I get. I've never had to go hungry or sleep without a roof over my head. Today I was reading Psalm 42; vs 5-6 says this "Why am I so depressed? Why this turmoil within me? Put your hope in God, for I will still praise Him, my Savior and my God. I am deeply depressed; therefore I remember You." Then he repeats the first part again in vs 11. Look at that, I have something in common with David and you probably do, too. You could have heard me saying those words myself.
I personally refuse to take pills for my depression. I did once when I was 19 after a bad breakup with my first love. But as soon as I started to get my head above water I quit. I didn't like the thought of being dependent on them. Ever since then, even though I've been told multiple times to just take something for it, I have learned to do something different....
"WARNING: I AM NOT SAYING THIS METHOD IS FOR EVERYONE. MANY NEED WHAT DOCTOR'S PRESCRIBE. I AM JUST STATING THIS IS WHAT WORKS FOR ME."
This is about what happens to me each time.... Life is good! Sometimes great! Then one day, I just wake up feeling in a funk. I shrug it off for a bit. I hide it for a bit. It doesn't go away. Then, I stop being able to hide it and push it away. People can see it on my face. I usually just say I'm tired lol (sometimes I really am tired though). Sometimes I wear makeup to cover up my "look" (sometimes I do just like to wear makeup though). I am saying this so that if I look tired or am wearing makeup, you don't automatically assume I am depressed, lol.
Those closest to me get to see my emotional roller coaster; like my AMAZING husband (who although he wasn't my first love he is SO MUCH BETTER FOR ME and I'm so glad the others didn't work out). First, I'll be okay, then cry, then I'm doing alright, then I might cry again, repeat, repeat.
When I finally decide that something is actually wrong, and it's not normal, I do something about it. I draw closer to God. You'd think he'd be close enough. But unfortunately, he's hard to see and hear sometimes with life's noise all around us. To get out of my funk I pray more. Don't get me wrong. I usually pray daily, but sometimes your spirit just needs more. I usually end up needing to fast a bit. Anywhere from 24hrs to, like this last time, 2 1/2 days. I don't say this to brag. I know we are suppose to fast in secret, but I feel like some of you could use a little reminder or motivation to fast again, or even for the first time.
It works for me. It gets me out of my funk. My depression. Why do I get into them in the first place? I don't know. Why do you? You may not know either. It is like the thorn in my side, one of a few, that will not go away. But like 2 Corinthians 12:9 says “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” So, if you are in a funk. Maybe rely on God just a little more than usual. Like Psalm 40:2 says, he can take you out of the pit, out of the miry clay, and set your feet upon the rock. But, will you let Him?